How to Lead With Unshakable Confidence

#LeadandLift | Episode 147 | Ernelita Dacumos

Confidence is often misunderstood.

Many high-achieving women believe confidence means being louder, bolder, or more extroverted. But in this powerful Lead & Lift episode, Ernelita “Ernie” Dacumos, international speaker, author, radio show host, and confidence mentor proves that confidence is not about changing who you are.

It’s about trusting yourself enough to show up anyway.

Ernie’s journey from a shy introvert who nearly backed out of her first podcast interview to a confident leader speaking on global stages is a masterclass in courage, self-awareness, and intentional action.

Shy vs. Introvert: Understanding the Difference

One of the most liberating moments in this conversation is Ernie’s distinction between being shy and being an introvert.

Introversion is about energy, how you recharge. Shyness is about behavior, hesitation, self-doubt, and fear of initiating.

“Introverts don’t dislike people. We just need time to recover our energy.” 

For Ernie, clarity came when she realized that her introversion wasn’t the problem.  Her shyness was keeping her from stepping into opportunities she was meant for.  That awareness created a powerful choice:  Shrink… or build confidence while honoring her nature.

The Turning Point: Choosing Courage Over Comfort

Ernie’s pivotal moment didn’t come from eliminating fear.  It came from acting with fear beside her.

After nearly backing out of her first Lead & Lift interview due to imposter syndrome, she chose action. That single decision became the catalyst for hosting a radio show, writing a book (Unapologetically You), leading masterminds, and stepping onto major stages.

“Nothing bad happened and that’s when everything changed.” 

Confidence didn’t arrive first. Action did.

Why You Don’t “Overcome” Self-Doubt; You Turn Down the Volume

One of the most important reframes from this episode:

You don’t overcome self-doubt. You learn to move forward despite it. 

Those inner voices "Who do you think you are? What if you fail?" don’t disappear.

But confidence grows when you:

• Acknowledge the voice
• Lower its volume
• Take action anyway

“Confidence is having the courage to turn thought into action, over and over again.” 

This is why Ernie’s book is built around questions and actions, not motivation.  Without action, confidence stays theoretical.

Self-Confidence Starts With You (Not Everyone Else)

A recurring theme in this episode is self-prioritization, especially for high-achieving moms and leaders.

Ernie reminds us:

“You can’t give what you don’t have.” 

Self-confidence isn’t about external validation. It begins with:

• Trusting yourself
• Taking care of your energy
• Filling your own cup first

This isn’t selfish.

It’s leadership.  When you’re depleted, everyone around you pays the price.

Confidence Is a Skill And Skills Can Be Built

Perhaps the most freeing insight:

Confidence is a skill, not a personality trait. 

Just like walking, speaking, or leading, it improves with repetition.  You don’t wait to feel confident to act. You act, learn, adjust, and repeat.  This applies to:

• Public speaking
• Leadership
• Social media
• Entrepreneurship
• Parenting

If you don’t know how to do something yet that’s not a flaw.  It’s an invitation to learn.

Leadership Isn’t Knowing Everything; It’s Inviting Others In

As Ernie grew into leadership roles, she discovered a surprising truth:

Asking for help doesn’t weaken your leadership, it humanizes it. 

Leaders don’t need all the answers. They need clarity of vision and the humility to collaborate.

When leaders ask their teams:

• What do you think? 
• What’s your input? 

They build trust, ownership, and confidence on both sides.  This principle applies not only at work, but at home.

“Your family is a team too.”

The Habits That Sustain Confidence Long-Term

Ernie credits her sustained confidence to three key practices:

1. Filter the Data You Consume

What you watch, read, and scroll shapes your mindset.

“Fear-based information only fuels doubt.” 

Choose inputs that strengthen you, not drain you.

2. Surround Yourself With Mentors

Borrow belief when you can’t find your own.

“I didn’t get here without coaches and mentors and I still need them.” 

3. Fire First, Then Aim

Perfectionism keeps you stuck.

Action creates data.

“Fire first. Keep what works. Improve what doesn’t.” 

Five Simple Tools to Start Building Confidence Today

Ernie closed the episode with a deceptively simple framework:

1. Follow your intuition — don’t overthink it
2. Don’t negotiate with yourself — hesitation kills momentum
3. Take action — even imperfectly
4. Celebrate yourself — small wins count
5. Do it again — repetition builds confidence

“Confidence grows through movement, not waiting.”

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Confidence is built, not inherited
• Shyness and introversion are not the same
• Action precedes confidence
• Self-care fuels self-trust
• Asking for help strengthens leadership
• Consistency compounds courage

Links mentioned in this episode: 

• Ernelita Dacumos Facebook
• Ernelita Dacumos Instagram
• Ernelita Dacumos LinkedIn

Links mentioned in this episode: 

• Chabidaye Facebook
• Chabidaye Instagram
• Chabidaye LinkedIn
• Chabidaye Website