The Self-Made Mom: How One Shift Can Transform Your Work, Life, and Motherhood

#LeadandLift | Episode 146 | Julia Sewell

What if the life you worked so hard to build isn’t the problem, but the way you’re carrying it is?

In this powerful episode of Lead & Lift, I sat down with Julia Sewell, founder of The Self‑Made Mom, to unpack a truth so many high‑achieving mothers quietly live with:

"You can love your career, your children, and your partner and still feel completely depleted" – Julia Sewell 

This conversation is for the woman who doesn’t want to burn her life down and start over. She wants the same life but lived with more clarity, support, and joy.

The Red Cup Moment: When Something Has to Change

Julia’s journey into becoming The Self‑Made Mom didn’t start with a business plan. It started with survival.

Ten months after welcoming twins, on top of an 18‑month‑old toddler and just weeks before the pandemic, Julia found herself at the breaking point. Exhausted, isolated, and deeply depleted, her marriage and communication were unraveling.

One argument ended with a broken acrylic red cup in the driveway.

Days later, after a heavy snowfall, shards of red plastic began surfacing through the snow.  Tiny reminders of a fight, of pressure, of emotional depletion.

“I was self‑abandoning in an effort to show love and devotion to my family and my business.” – Julia Sewell 

That was the moment Julia realized something had to change; not her family, not her work, but herself.

The Problem No One Was Solving for Working Moms

When Julia went searching for support, she found nothing that spoke directly to her reality.

There was no resource that said:

• You don’t want to quit your job. 
• You don’t want to change your family. 
• You are grateful—and still overwhelmed. 

“There was nothing that said: working mom, I see you.” 

As a master performance consultant and longtime executive coach, Julia recognized the gap immediately.

And then the insight landed:

What if we applied business acumen to motherhood? 

Not to optimize it, but to make it livable.

That was the birth of The Self‑Made Mom.

Why “Balance” Is a Trap (and What to Focus on Instead)

One of the biggest myths Julia challenges is the idea of balance.

“Balance is a fallacy. The more you chase it, the less happy you’ll be.” 

Instead of balance, Julia teaches mothers to view life as a whole and allow a pendulum to swing between work and home.

The key?

Systems. 

When systems are in place, you can fully engage in one role at a time, without guilt.

“Splitting attention creates a guilt factory for mothers.” 

You’re not failing because you can’t do everything at once. You’re human.

The Mother Load: Why You’re Always Tired

Julia names something most women feel but can’t articulate: the Mother Load.

The Mother Load is:

• Everything you think about
• Everything you remember
• Everything you manage, at home and at work

And here’s the truth:

The goal isn’t to eliminate the Mother Load. It’s to manage it. 

The problem begins when motherhood shifts women into constant reactivity, responding to everyone else’s needs while abandoning their own leadership.

“Once you become a mother, everything feels reactive and you abdicate your leadership.” 

The Root Issue: Worthiness, Not Time

One of the most powerful insights from this episode:

Many women tie their self‑worth to productivity and caretaking. 

Checking boxes becomes the only way to feel valuable.

But the to‑do list never ends.  Which means worthiness can never be satisfied that way.

“You can no longer source worthiness from getting things done.” 

The Self‑Making journey starts by helping women reconnect with worthiness that exists before performance.

Asking for Help Without Crisis

Why is asking for help so hard?  Because most women wait until they’re at the breaking point.

“Asking for help becomes associated with crisis and that’s why we avoid it.” 

Julia reframes help as a proactive leadership skill, not an emotional emergency.

Key shifts include:

• Asking before resentment builds
• Using clear, calm language
• Planning support weekly, not reactively

And this reframe:

“Unless safety is at risk, 90% done by someone else is good enough.”

Letting Go of Control (At Home and at Work)

Control often masquerades as competence.  Julia names what many women won’t:

“Control is often rooted in low confidence and fear of becoming unnecessary.” 

This shows up at home and in leadership roles at work.  When mothers learn to empower their families just as they empower teams, they free up time, energy, and emotional capacity.

Leadership doesn’t mean doing everything. It means enabling others to contribute.

Motherhood Is a Leadership Role—Own It

One of the most liberating moments in the episode was this reframe:

“Once you become a mother, you are the sun of the family.” 

Not in ego, but in responsibility.  Moms already manage emotions, logistics, and wellbeing. The invitation is to own the leadership role consciously.

That means:

• Clear expectations
• Delegation
• Weekly check‑ins
• Shared responsibility

“People can’t meet expectations you never say out loud.”

The Holidays: Lead the Season, Don’t Survive It

The final quarter of the year intensifies everything, at home and at work.

Julia’s advice?  Lead the holidays like a team project.  She shared a simple but powerful system:

• A visible family checklist
• Color‑coded responsibilities
• Shared wins and celebration

“I don’t require myself to do everything, and that’s how I stay joyful.” 

The Self‑Made Mom Philosophy

Julia’s closing message is one every working parent needs to hear:

“Self‑making is for women who want nothing in their life to change, but everything about how they live it to change.” 

This is not about doing more. It’s about living with intention, systems, and support.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Balance is a myth; focus on intentional engagement
• Systems reduce guilt and emotional overload
• The Mother Load must be managed, not minimized
• Worthiness cannot come from productivity
• Asking for help is a leadership skill
• Mothers are leaders at home and at work

Links mentioned in this episode: 

•  Julia Sewell Facebook
• Julia Sewell Instagram
• Julia Sewell LinkedIn
• Julia Sewell Website 
• Julia Sewell Free Chapter of the Self Made Mom

Links mentioned in this episode: 

• Chabidaye Facebook
• Chabidaye Instagram
• Chabidaye LinkedIn
• Chabidaye Website